10 Lazy and Lecherous Last-Minute Halloween Costumes
Halloween is coming up pretty damn soon.
As a person that has a life, I don't really have time to go all out and dress up as a Rubik's Cube or an iPhone. Also, a lot of people (like me) don't like to spend an abundant amount of money on a Halloween costume that they'll only wear once. Everyone's going to forget what costume you wore in a couple of weeks anyways. Unless you keep bringing it up every two weeks—or wearing it.
Cool. I got it. You were an iPhone. That's tight.
So what about the rest of us that wait until the day before Halloween to get their costume ready? Well, here's a few DIY ideas for making last-minute costumes from junk around your apartment.
If you take a moment to focus, you'll realize there's a guy lying on the floor wearing a Twister game around his body. The genius that this man exudes is apparent by the very beautiful woman hovering above him.
As everyone knows, women LOVE to play Twister. Not only is this an inexpensive costume ($15 if you don't already own it), but it can cause a spontaneous Twister game with a few pretty girls to suddenly happen on your body. ON YOUR BODY.
Right arm blue. Now that's strategy.
Obviously, the man in the picture is a descendant of Abraham Lincoln, as he can tell no lie. Not only is this costume great, but it's ridiculously easy to make. It's as easy as gift-wrapping yourself, fixing up a few bows, and making a large enough card that can present you as God's greatest gift to women.
As if the genius train wasn't already on a roll, we now come upon this majestic creation. All you need is a cardboard, an X-Acto knife, a marker and some tape and you're now a free mammogram.
And a pervert.
Jim Henson not only brought us the joy of The Muppets, but also blessed us with a really easy Halloween costume. Check your attic. I'm 100% sure you have a Kermit the Frog toy up there. I had about three of them at one point because, really, you can never have enough Kermits. If it's not a puppet, you can get a knife and cut a hole on poor Kermit's bottom to insert your hand. You're now a puppeteer and you can annoy all the girls with your best Kermit impression.
I do understand that PSY and his Gangnam Style dance may be out played out at this point (half a billion views), but his Halloween costume is very easy.
It consists of of a tuxedo, glasses, a comb-over haircut and an eclectic dance. Just be prepared for everyone asking you to do it Gangnam style.
Rick's costume just needs a gun and some hip older men's clothes, while the Carl costume consists of children's clothes, a gun, a cowboy hat and a little bratty attitude. I only recommend this getup if you have a son.
White shirt. White socks. Inanimate makeshift microphone. Jump on a few couches. Done. And it never gets old. Black sunglasses might also help.
Just wear whatever you usually wear. I mean, you shop at Target. C'mon. Then make a witty sign asking for money. Tell everyone that you need money to buy an iPhone 5 because the iPhone 4S just ain't cutting it anymore. Plus, while everyone's out trick-or-treating for candy, you'll be getting rich off pocket change.
May I introduce...the King of Lazyonia.
Don't think I forgot about ya'll. The reason I reserved the last spot in this list for women is because women's Halloween costumes are pretty simple and easy to find. Just scour around the house and find some old cheerleader outfits, army clothes, or tie-dye hippy tees—then make it sexy.
You can wear all white and make a halo... sexy angel.
You can put on any type of ears—or just shape your hair into two roundish balls—and match an outfit around it... sexy cat.
You can wrap a giant garbage bag around you...sexy garbage bag.
You're welcome. Just don't be the wrong kind of sexy.